I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
