Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize