69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
