He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just invented taco cereal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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