you would pick up someone in the library
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
