walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
