Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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