mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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