I wanna passion pit in your ass
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
