you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
