***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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