He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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