I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
