Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
