dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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