She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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