i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize