Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
