Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
