she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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