Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
