my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
