You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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