im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
