Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
