Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
