So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
