I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
