are you so shy because you have an std?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
