it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
