allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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