Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
