Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize