we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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