It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
