You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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