what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
