he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
