Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
