i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
