What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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