There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
