Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Floor bacon is actually really good
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
