She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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