I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
