I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
