Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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