omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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