whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
