I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize