Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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