it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
