i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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