capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
