im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
