Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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