It was confusing and full of hummus
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
