so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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