He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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