my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
