There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
