Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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