in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
