is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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