nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
