It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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