i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
