They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
