Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
