roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
