my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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