It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
