i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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